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Seriously annoyed right now. Was going to sneak out a bit early so I could go run. Well, I came in early, so I coudl leave early so I could run. But now I'm outta time. grumble grumble grumble
Thanks, guys. That's about 1.5 to 2 hours from me, meri - not sure it would be feasible, but I'll keep Dr. Check in mind. My acupuncturist also recommended someone near me, but right now we are in flux with insurance/finances, because mr. cgraz just lost his job and we also financed a huge and very necessary home repair. So kind of waiting to see what comes next, without flipping out about it too much.
Oof, that's a lot of stuff to deal with! , vibes, etc for you guys that the job stuff looks up shortly and that it all works out!!
Thanks, the job thing is a huge stresser, and that just hit the fan this week, so it's hard not to panic, but it's scary.
But in a weird way, it makes me feel better to know that if I do, and I gain a couple of pounds, then I have the power to get back on track pretty reasonably.
So, I went to the group session yesterday. It was honestly one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. I was about 30 minutes early and I spent that entire time battling against a panic attack. Someone here taught me the trick to hold your breath as long as you can, so I did that over and over again and that kept me sitting in that seat. When it was time to go in, everyone else seemed so... fine... and chipper, and I just wasn't and that made it even harder. We introduced ourselves, which I could barely do without bursting into tears... and I fought both to keep my composure and also to not get up and leave, for the next 30 minutes or so while the facilitator went over ground rules and curriculum of the group (it is 8 sessions). Then it was time for everyone to share their story. I honestly wasn't sure I could do it and had been dreading this moment for a long time. Surprisingly... I was able to force the words out, and talk about it and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. By the time we were done it was going to be so late so I grabbed dd and we went out to dinner at a dumpling house. I ordered pretty much everything on the menu, knowing it was more than I could eat. DD helped me eat some of what I'd ordered (hers was taking a long time and she was starving) but it was all rice based and lots of soy sauce, etc and we did order dessert. It was fine *once* but I don't want to get into the habit of doing this every session. So, I need to figure out dinner for those nights. Maybe I'll just do a packed lunch kind of thing. We'll see.I think this has been really big for me. I don't stress too much about going off the rails for a few days, because I know that it's within my power, and not that difficult to get it back on track. Having an eating plan that you don't dread makes this much easier. My goal is to maintain during the holidays and then work on loosing a few more after the holidays. Fingers crossed on the job thing. That is so hard!
Do you know why you can't talk about it? Does it just feel too personal?
Too personal. Too traumatic. Too big and overwhelming. To risky in terms of judgement from others, and probably judgement of myself. I am still skeptical that the group will help. But willing to show up for the next 7 weeks. The hardest part is over, I think.
The hardest part is over, I think.