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No discussion of tax implications?This seems to be directed at higher income individuals and they can save a bundle by not tying the knot again.For anybody above the 15% bracket, marriage is a real ream-job tax-wise.
And I mostly agree with number 2. While we had a pretty evenly divided workshare (or in truth, I did less), I found doing the mental heavy lifting (bills and financial planning) a burden. I also think that you do just take for granted time you spend with someone when you live under the same roof, in a different way than when you don't. Ideally, I'd like to have the big deal true love thing, and him live close by but NOT in my house, but still spend most nights together.
I will never remarry when (yes, when) dh dies before I do.I will simply employ day laborers for the crap I cannot do myself.....pondering ways to get rid of dh without evidence.....
Huh. Interestingly, none of those really ring true to me. But, I guess I was never the typical housewife kowtowing to my husband and kids (and you don't seem like you were either). That said, the living apart together thing is nice. Though I've been dating someone for a couple of months and this is an ongoing dialogue/negotiation. I do agree with the overall premise. I'm not entirely sure I'll marry again. Though, it's not really off the table either. I would say that, for me, I see marriage/kids as "been there done that", and not something I feel the need to do again. The guy I'm seeing is also previously married so neither of us really feels much pressure to think too far into the future.
I love finding things where I left them when I get home. I love having sole control of the thermostat and the remote. And yeah, if the house isn't sparkly clean, I don't have to listen to complaints. For now, being single is heaven!
As far as kowtowing, some would call it that. I wouldn't but I know I did sacrifice a lot and put myself last far too often...all for the 'good' of the family. I refuse to second guess and I look at my kids with wonder. They rock so whatever I did, it was good. :p
But... I was really not interested in his opinion. Which is probably a bit unfair. But... sorry dude, you don't get to vote on what color I'm painting, or what faucet I buy for my kitchen. You just don't. And, if you know what is good for you, you will enthusiasticaly approve any choices I make.
I feel this way about my DH and interior stuff. Buddy, when you can actually pull together a reasonably matching, cohesive outfit, then you can have an opinion. Until then, enthusiastic agreement is your only option.
I love making all my own decisions about where I want to live and how much of a project I want to take on, and so on. It's been a little bit interesting vis a vis the guy I'm seeing. Like, I went to buy my countertops last night. He wanted to see me, so I invited him to come along. But... I was really not interested in his opinion. Which is probably a bit unfair. But... sorry dude, you don't get to vote on what color I'm painting, or what faucet I buy for my kitchen. You just don't. And, if you know what is good for you, you will enthusiasticaly approve any choices I make.
#6 sounds great!
And your children are past the neediest (from a parenting standpoint) phase and really seem amazing (from Facebook and your posts anyway). But I'm sure it would be easier if you had a bit of time off.
According to my SIL, she wouldn't remarry because she'd lose the money.Even though she'd retired from a Federal job, she was getting alimony. Yep, in this day and age.None of that other stuff mattered as much as the money.
The only disatisfaction I have with being married is the chronic struggle against being treated like the concierge of a bed and breakfast. We both work fulltime, but yes I do the shopping and cleaning, and that is okay, ....but remarks when the cleaning isn't up to his standard, or we run out of something he wants (peanut butter!) Scrub it yourself then!Since he is gone 3 days in a row, that part is good. But I do worry about when we come to retirement time. Maybe we should live in separate houses then........
Mother in law suite. He can go live in it for three days every week.
it's been incredibly liberating and given me the chance to be 'me' again. And turns out I actually kinda like myself
I love that I control my life right now; it's been incredibly liberating and given me the chance to be 'me' again. And turns out I actually kinda like myself
Sing it, sista!I have my kids 100% so I haven't seen the benefit of number 6. Let's jsut say it has been challenging.
It's why I love being a sahm. I have no problem doing any of that mundane stuff, and it makes me less of a person because I know that even the most liberated working woman has to clean her toilet, wash her clothes, and cook for herself. And them some if they are married.
It makes you less of a person for saying 'liberated working woman' like it's 1974, Helen Reddy.
Good for her.
Yeah, it's great to play the victim and take advantage of someone else, I mean, the alternative would be responsibility.
Suuure. Depending on the length of the marriage and the salaries involved, she deserves alimony...just as he would, if she was the main breadwinner. It has nothing to do with being a victim. It has everything to do with investing in someone else's career and supporting the family. By whining about it, he is playing the victim.
Granted it was just one side of the story, but a former coworker had to pay her ex-husband alimony AND he was awarded primary custody of their kids (because she sometimes travels for work). She was steamed. She'd paid for his school, and then (her story) he just never really looked for a job. So by default, he took care of their kids. She was PISSED. (In reality, maybe a graphic arts degree was not that useful; most places do not hire graphic-specific people - they hire tech writers who can do graphics, or administrative assistants who can do graphics, or network administrators who can do graphics. It's just not that highly valued here as a stand-alone skill. It's entirely possible that he looked hard and didn't share quite how hard with her for feeling like a failure or something.)Plenty of other people have made the age old, he/she who has the most lucrative job works, and he/she who doesn't stays home with the kid(s). When a couple decides that together, in the case of a divorce, with the loss of skills and work-history and what-have-you due to a joint decision, hell yeah the court should consider that.
But anyway...I am finding that while I like my house and all my space being mine, I might be flexible on that again someday.
By whining about it, he is playing the victim.
Yeah, women often get steamed when the shoe is on the other foot. *shrug* Quote from: RejanerationYa, you should hear my lesbian co-worker talk about her ex wife.
Ya, you should hear my lesbian co-worker talk about her ex wife.
I think this goes here.
Also, this right here: http://momastery.com/blog/2014/04/17/lie-truth-marriage/That sounds miserable. If that's what marriage is supposed to be like? Yeah. No thanks. I'll just keep on living in blissful sin for evah, tyvm!
I don't want love to be a battle you have to show up and WORK every single day. I want it to be easy and breezy and fun. And, right now it is. And, honestly, if it becomes the kind of slog she describes? Yeah, no thanks. I'm out. Life's too fucking short to be fucking miserable.
There's a meta-thread that runs through this place about whether love should be hard work or the opposite. I think the opposite.